My personal tid bit for the week I've missed blogging.......

Well I'm sorry I've missed a few days of blogging, but, I've had a hard time lately and I've been battling some.....well demons in my life, they are called men. You see I may be one of the few people that believe man and women are equal and in relationships we can't just blame one or the other it takes two to make a relationship work and two people to screw it up. Well I just went through one of the hardest good-bye's in my life, not the worst. The worst was when the woman I loved for 8 1/2 years died and in her will she didn't leave me anything and I had to hear it from someone else that if she would have survived the cancer she wasn't going to stay with me. Now this good-bye was with not just my boyfriend, but, also an old friend, as in the two I had recently talked about trying to choose one of them. Well I didn't have to choose, one of them, the one I had known for a long time as a friend that had moved back, well we got into a fight that I don't think either of us will ever forgive each other for what we said. It wasn't all my fault or his, it was an inevitable fight about his love for me and my love for someone else like it was when he moved away those four years ago. And as for my boyfriend, well he ended up hearing the fight and thought I was ready to start saying I love you again and I wasn't I don't know if I ever will be able to say I love you in that way to that special someone for a long time. I mean why does it have to be so hard to get over a heart break, and why is it that you put up this wall around your heart and the one person you finally let in destroys you? And with that why is it that when we think we've finally gotten over our heart break and have put back up our wall why can't we say I love you, and why can't it really be real to have that one person that's your other half, to have someone that completes you inside and out? Are the people like me who have been through soo much just scarred for life and unmendable, unable to ever be really put back together? Or is there really a person for each of us out there and we just have to wait til they come along? What do you think world?