New Year Bliss...

Well it's been a while sorry for that, but, I had to deal with a ton of parties and holiday smoozing to deal with. But, I'm back and it's a new year 2011. The new year brings a time to change yourself, whether it be your hair color or style, your clothing, your weight, your place of residence, your outlook on life. It's a time for new things, experiences, loves, embarrassments, friends, adventures, mishaps and mistakes that lead us to a new place or new people. Last year my new year resolution or rather goal was not to be alone or more specifically to be in a good relationship, well half accomplished that. My well, he's not my boyfriend, but, not my friend either. We've known each other for years, but, he never asked me out until this past year and he is showing big commitment issue signs, so I'm now laying it down that I really want to find a good guy for me. A lot of us girls out there who are nice, smart, and vava sexy don't get the man of our dreams until later in life and get used, or don't get one at all. So my thing this week is I want to know how women like me and all of you like me out there, how do we find the good guys in this ocean of pervs and assholes? How can all those girls like me find new year bliss by next new years?

A family gone to shreads?

Dear, Readers

Well yesterday was an interesting topic, but today I'm going to let you all into my life a little more than yesterday. You see every teenager, young adult has problems with their family. Whether it be age difference when it comes to opinions, sibling rivalry, divorced families with kids going back and forth, kids not feeling like they belong because their parents keep fighting over things that have to do with them, knowing one parent or both have said that they don't want you, feeling like a burden, not being accepted just because you are like one of your parents more so than the other, or not being accepted because your gay/lesbian/bisexual instead of being straight. We kids of today have a lot more going on than the few things I listed. For me almost everyone will be able to relate to my story in one way or another. My life is as follows, easy.....WRONG! I hate complaining and crying two things I find to be weakness in myself. Well, my father has told me to have a nice life........I'm the girl everyone turns to for advice, comfort, shoulder to cry on, and someone who will deal with your fights for you. To say the least I have been the mother figure for sooooo many of my friends and some of my family too. So to have my father yet again pull at the wounds he has already left in my heart and make them unbearable with words and things that should remain unsaid were said, and then to pull out everything he can and compulsively lie about my mother, my grandfather and my dead grandmother whom he never knew, and my other grandfather whom he never cherished and I loved more than he ever could. My father may love me more than anyone in the entire world, but, that does not make up for everything he has missed in my life, all the pain he does not even realize he has caused, all the therapy he has put my mother through, the things I had to live without because he refused to pay full child support, the damage he caused between me and my family on his side whom now because of him apparently wants nothing to do with me, a worthless, idiotic, bastardly, white trash, bisexual whore, poet/writer failure of a mutt..... Well I may be a block of stone, but, underneath I am as breakable as the smallest, thinnest twig terrified of being stepped on and being broken.So to my readers I want your opinion on if you think I should ever forgive my father or if I should forget about him and move on with my life?

What ever happend to finding the one and staying together?

Dear, Readers

Well today is a new day! But, I was just wondering after watching one of my friends favorite movies "The Perfect Man", how does one actually know when you have found "the perfect man", I mean does he even exist. One man perfect for every woman out there and one woman perfect for every man. And if you do find that perfect someone for you how do you keep it soo perfect, I mean everyone makes mistakes no one out there can be all that perfect. Then that got me thinking, what about all these girls out there who are still looking, should we give up on finding that amazing love that will bring out the best in us or should we keep looking hopelessly for the one guy who will make life a little more with while? And as one of those girls I myself am starting to believe all those anti-romantics because even though I am only 18 years old, I found a perfect man for me and he loved me and I loved him soo much it was almost sickening to all of our friends and it was really perfect for years he even was okay with me being with my girlfriend and him, one big happy family, but then his brother got involved in gangs and he was mistaken for his brother and he died in my arms in the ambulence, so that was that for me and my prince charming, and I still had my womanly love I was going to introduce her to my family a year and a half ago, but she got really sick and died from lymphoblatic luekemia. And I thought to myself that if I had found that perfect person was my love life, my relationship status going to be permanently single? I had no clue....Then I found myself falling in love again with a woman that stirred the inner workings of my soul and it made me think even now as I'm writing this blog with my girlfriend at my side, what if we get more than one chance to fall in love and if so then "the perfect man or woman" is completely a lie told to just let little girls dream of prince charming, and if it's wrong why keep looking? But, to all those hopeless romantic's out there I'm still partially on your side of all this I'm just right on the border line of hope and stubborn old maid. I'm just tired of looking for something that never seems to be there looking for me too.......

So to my readers I want your opinion on all this or tell your story and see if it helps someone going throuogh the same thing, we women have to stick together or we'll just get lost in translation, in the language of love.

LOVE?

For many years the time old questions about love have been discussed and have been seemed as a mystery. Well I have to a new theory on that subject to answer all those questions..... I personally have asked the question " What if love doesn't always come to an agreement with destiny and fate and above all what the heart really needs instead of what the heart wants? ". Well to my own question I just finished watching Letters to Juliet Letters to Juliet I loved the movie and it made me think about my past relationships and the one I have ended permanently in my life. I have been searching for that one person who understands me and want to be with me not because I fit some list in their heads to the perfect or ideal girlfriend who could someday be their wife, but someone who wants to be with me like Sophie and Charlie want to be together, for it to be more of a need than anything else. Love of all things is timeless and never ending, it is something you can always find even in the darkest of times, and you can never run out no matter how much it seems like your heart is breaking and you've run out, you can always make more. LOVE THE ETERNAL PASSION, LOVE THE ETERNAL EMOTION, LOVE THE ETERNAL LIFE CHANGING LIVING LIFE DRIVING THING THAT CAN NEVER DIE.....AFTER ALL IT'S ETERNAL!
I only ask of my readers to think about love and how some of you may have found it and kept it, and how even those whom have lost it like myself. I ask to keep living in the light of your love, and if you haven't found a love to last yet, then keep looking. I 'm one of those hopeless romantics that believes to my core that everyone has a true soul mate and a destiny waiting to intertwine with that one person that makes their heart feel on fire and their soul take flight.

Does a good relationship have to have good sex?

I have seen so many relationships go down the drain these days on just the fact that one partner is not satisfying the other.No Ifs, Ands, or Butts And at this I am almost stumped....does a good relationship have to have good sex to stay a "happy couple", or can there be bad sex or "dry spells". Or at least have a real chance to talk it out or work on it. Is there ever a chance in those relationships gone bad to have room for improvement, or do all us girls out there just find good sex as the one thing we pose as the "tip of the iceberg" for our relationships? I found that talking it out, or that in my friends relationships they try new things, or try not to focus on the physical attraction and more on the mental and emotional part of the relationship. Can we live happily in a relationship with moderately good sex and be happy or has good sex become a necessity in all good relationships and even marriages?

sorry for the wait, it seems that's just what we modern girls have to do ALL THE FRIKING TIME!

Well my last few weeks contain this : One of my best friends and now ex-boyfriend decided in his depression that if he couldn't have me in his life that he had nothing left to live for and I being the stupidly hopeful type thought the few days of no phone calls was him getting over me.....WRONG in all senses of the word he killed himself while working at his dad's construction site by turning on the machine and jumping in front of it...I was first in tears that I just lost someone, but then I was just mad and angry that he thought that he had nothing to live for, he has a little brother he still needed to look after because his parents are mental. Then it just came to me that only waiting out time would make the whole eating at go away and the thought that if i hadn't fought with with him he might not have done it. But, it's not my fault or my problem just my burden to bare. Then one of my friends had a miscarriage and was in total pain and it happened on the job I went to help, but all I could do was be there and hope for the best and talk to he33r to try to calm her, but I was useless for anything else. Then one of my oldest friends had a set of twins and she named the one who came out first after me. This week I lost someone dear to me, was there for a good friend as she lost her first child at 3 months, and saw life appear. It's a lot to take in. BUT, MY MAIN TOPIC IS THAT WITH MEN LIKE THE EX I LOST THIS PAST WEEK IS THAT MOST GUYS NOT ALL, BUT MOST KEEP THEIR FEELINGS LOCKED UP AND IT'S LIKE A TICKING BOMB THAT US WOMEN WHO ARE OPEN TO TAKING ABOUT EVERYTHING, MIND YOU NOT LIKE A GOSSIP CIRCLE OR A SHRINK, BUT TO TALK ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP. THOSE FEW MEN SEEM TO KEEP US WOMEN WAITING AND WAITING AND WAITING. MY QUESTION THIS TIME IS WHY ARE THEY LIKE THAT, AND WHAT ARE THEY WAITING FOR, BECAUSE PERSONALLY I'M TIRED OF WAITING!!!!!!

Questions of lonely broken woman

How can you love someone so much,then its end,put out this act so long,start to believe your over it,then you see them happy with her like you have before,but this time you just snap,now you cant help feelin like another weak/broken girl dreamin of what couldve been,his voice in your head...how can you be over him,then... go back a thousand steps and be wallowing again...how? And to that how can you love him enough to give him that second chance and then know it will end the same with your heart broken again....how do you not see him everywhere and then when he goes off and does the worst thing b/c he can't live without you, how do you not blame yourself? 

This is to all my gurls out there who get used, cufused, and conflicted by the man they fell for.

So to all you women out there here is my topic for the week why do men have to be so hard to figure out. With them always having their guard up whether it is because they were cheated on, or used, or they cheated and they use women. I have two very good friends who are dealing with the guy they fell for and with one of my friends and for name sake we'll call her Hannah, well Hannah has been friends with this guy for like 9 years, 4 just friends, 2 1/2 friends with benefits, 2 1/2 close to dating only just testing the waters, 1/2 a year dating with out the labels. Well now he's going on about how he wants to be right for her with being the kind of guy she needs. FOR GOD SAKES MAN THE ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT IS TO ASK HER!!!! NOT BREAK UP WITH HER, IGNORE HER, AND PRACTICALLY RUN AWAY WHEN YOU SEE HER!!!! What is up with men like that? Then there is my other close friend which for names sake we will call Sammy. Well Sammy has been with this guy for 4 years and friends with him for 3 years prior to them dating and it has been almost puke worthy perfect. So perfect I practically wanted to puke seeing them all lovy dovy. Then two days ago he up and breaks up with her, no explanation other than he wanted to end it before things got bad. HOW CAN THINGS GO BAD WHEN YOUR IN LOVE LIKE THAT!?!?  I mean seriously, when your with someone like they were, I mean they talked every day. They texted 7 times a day, talked on the phone 2 times a day and were together the other part of the time, inseparable. And they always did they cutsy name thing, and the holding hands with his arm around her waist or neck, and pecked like every 5 minutes, and said I love you like every 10-15 minutes, it was sickening. But, I was so happy for her because she has had bad relationships before it was so nice to see her happy. It was nice to see both my best friends happy, then these guys broke thier hearts for no good reason it makes no sense to break up with someone over worrying your not good enough for the other person, you don't break up over that, you work it out with them. And you don't break up over worrying that it will turn sour when your so happy you worry about the here and now when it's that good. MEN YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH THEM YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT THEM, SCRATCH THAT CAN'T LIVE LOVING THEM MAKES MORE SENSE FOR THIS AND FOR MYSELF SOMETIMES YOU HEAR GIRLS!