A family gone to shreads?

Dear, Readers

Well yesterday was an interesting topic, but today I'm going to let you all into my life a little more than yesterday. You see every teenager, young adult has problems with their family. Whether it be age difference when it comes to opinions, sibling rivalry, divorced families with kids going back and forth, kids not feeling like they belong because their parents keep fighting over things that have to do with them, knowing one parent or both have said that they don't want you, feeling like a burden, not being accepted just because you are like one of your parents more so than the other, or not being accepted because your gay/lesbian/bisexual instead of being straight. We kids of today have a lot more going on than the few things I listed. For me almost everyone will be able to relate to my story in one way or another. My life is as follows, easy.....WRONG! I hate complaining and crying two things I find to be weakness in myself. Well, my father has told me to have a nice life........I'm the girl everyone turns to for advice, comfort, shoulder to cry on, and someone who will deal with your fights for you. To say the least I have been the mother figure for sooooo many of my friends and some of my family too. So to have my father yet again pull at the wounds he has already left in my heart and make them unbearable with words and things that should remain unsaid were said, and then to pull out everything he can and compulsively lie about my mother, my grandfather and my dead grandmother whom he never knew, and my other grandfather whom he never cherished and I loved more than he ever could. My father may love me more than anyone in the entire world, but, that does not make up for everything he has missed in my life, all the pain he does not even realize he has caused, all the therapy he has put my mother through, the things I had to live without because he refused to pay full child support, the damage he caused between me and my family on his side whom now because of him apparently wants nothing to do with me, a worthless, idiotic, bastardly, white trash, bisexual whore, poet/writer failure of a mutt..... Well I may be a block of stone, but, underneath I am as breakable as the smallest, thinnest twig terrified of being stepped on and being broken.So to my readers I want your opinion on if you think I should ever forgive my father or if I should forget about him and move on with my life?

What ever happend to finding the one and staying together?

Dear, Readers

Well today is a new day! But, I was just wondering after watching one of my friends favorite movies "The Perfect Man", how does one actually know when you have found "the perfect man", I mean does he even exist. One man perfect for every woman out there and one woman perfect for every man. And if you do find that perfect someone for you how do you keep it soo perfect, I mean everyone makes mistakes no one out there can be all that perfect. Then that got me thinking, what about all these girls out there who are still looking, should we give up on finding that amazing love that will bring out the best in us or should we keep looking hopelessly for the one guy who will make life a little more with while? And as one of those girls I myself am starting to believe all those anti-romantics because even though I am only 18 years old, I found a perfect man for me and he loved me and I loved him soo much it was almost sickening to all of our friends and it was really perfect for years he even was okay with me being with my girlfriend and him, one big happy family, but then his brother got involved in gangs and he was mistaken for his brother and he died in my arms in the ambulence, so that was that for me and my prince charming, and I still had my womanly love I was going to introduce her to my family a year and a half ago, but she got really sick and died from lymphoblatic luekemia. And I thought to myself that if I had found that perfect person was my love life, my relationship status going to be permanently single? I had no clue....Then I found myself falling in love again with a woman that stirred the inner workings of my soul and it made me think even now as I'm writing this blog with my girlfriend at my side, what if we get more than one chance to fall in love and if so then "the perfect man or woman" is completely a lie told to just let little girls dream of prince charming, and if it's wrong why keep looking? But, to all those hopeless romantic's out there I'm still partially on your side of all this I'm just right on the border line of hope and stubborn old maid. I'm just tired of looking for something that never seems to be there looking for me too.......

So to my readers I want your opinion on all this or tell your story and see if it helps someone going throuogh the same thing, we women have to stick together or we'll just get lost in translation, in the language of love.